The Jobless Goddess

    Even though I moved away from the little town of Parish, N.Y., years ago, I still keep in touch with my women friends I met while I lived there. I truly believe those were some of my best days. And nights.     My kids were young and I was a single mom and still willing to try anything once. Or twice.     Evelyn Stelmashuck and I had some of what I'd say were my grandest adventures. We had a little help at times from Bridget Swartz, Cheri Stookes, Janet Clerkin and Debbie Patterson. Those ladies are the best. They don't play. On second thought, they do play.     Come 4th of July you'd find Evelyn, her brother Steve, her dad - we just always referred to him as "Pa" - her husband Gary (if she could convince him to go along with her) and her kids sitting in Steve's Chevy parked in his front yard, everyone watching the fireworks as they went off over the East Coast Resort a few miles away. I joined them a couple o...

   Like most women with a big-boned build, my online shopping choices tend to lean toward footwear. The last time I ordered shoes online, though, I discovered I had ordered men's shoes by mistake. My first clue was when I tried them on and my husband said, “I think my dad has shoes like that.” His dad will be 84 in June.    I considered keeping them rather than going through the aggravation of sending them back. It’s just that they felt kind of weird, too. Believe me I walked around the house in them for a while. I’m not a quitter. Besides, if I took them back,   I’d have to find the packing tape, change out of my pajama pants to go to the post office, not to mention brushing my hair and teeth for the whole affair. Just not worth it.    My other issue with shoe shopping is that my feet aren’t meant to be in anything other than Skechers at this point. I’ve let these piggies roam free in stretched-out canvas for so long that they can’t be pent u...

Remember when a snowstorm had to be more than 10 inches to qualify as an event? Remember when your biggest problem was purloining a limp carrot from the vegetable drawer to use for the snowman’s nose?   Remember when you had to dress up like the Michelin tire man to play outdoors way longer than you really wanted to? Those were the days and they were far less complicated than today.             These days if the clouds gather we have to hear about for weeks, read about it on the internet, tweet it to our friends and family, and post pictures of it on Facebook.             There was no weather channel when I was growing up. All I wanted to do on a snow day was watch a little more Mr. Green Jeans and the Dancing Bear on Captain Kangaroo. Like today, I reveled in wearing my pajamas a little longer than usual and I probably helped myself to an extra bowl of Cheerios – ...

   I may be a registered Democrat but I’ve got to file a complaint against Michelle Obama’s obesity campaign.    There aren’t a whole lot of people on the planet who don’t know that celery is a better snack than say, a marshmallow. We also know that a trip to the farmer’s market is better for us than a trip to the 7-11.    I’ve got to tell Michelle that I can buy 8 boxes of mac and cheese for the same price as a bag of romaine. I can buy 10 cans of corn for 5 bucks and 10 ears of fresh corn for the same price. Which option is going to stretch further?    I’d love to be able to go to any store and buy organic fresh food. I can’t. I go to the store with my budget in mind because that’s how you shop in the real world.    As far as “Let’s Move!” is concerned, if I felt like moving at the end of my work day, believe me I would. It’s hard to get up and exercise after you’ve spent all day at a job where you make $500 a week and you...

   It was the late 1970s and I was dabbling with wearing a scarf on my head like Rhoda Morgenstern.   I was into Dust in the Wind and Slip Slidin’ Away, but my older sister, my aunts and my mom were all caught up in the great Elvis impersonator craze of 1978. Try as they might they couldn’t bring Elvis back, but they sure had a great time trying.    We lived outside of St. Louis, which is - and I don’t know if you are aware of this   – home to one of the best Elvis impersonators of all time. He played at area dinner theatres and theme parks and I’m pretty sure he still does, which is an obvious testament to his skill. The female members of my family ate this up like gooey butter cake on Easter Sunday.    I went along one night when he played at a dinner theatre near where we lived. I should have been the designated driver because I was of driving age and too young to drink, but this was long before we worried about such things. As I remem...