Seriously, I just realized earlier today that I wrote
an entire blog talking about how I’m 53. I’m 54. How do you spell denial?
Personally, I love aging. I was never a hot chick in a
bikini anyway so I don’t really know what it’s like to feel devastated now that
my breasts touch my belly button. They were halfway there when I was nine.
Maybe I just forgot that I’m 54. God knows I forget a
whole lot of other stuff. This all comes to the forefront because I’ve recently
watched that Still Alice movie. I’ve always
liked Julienne Moore because she’s not your usual cleavage actress. But in Still Alice she really gets to me. She’s
got the familial Alzheimer’s and it ain’t pretty. God love her for playing that
part and at least bringing a discussion to the table.
The older I get the more I realize that courage is the
most effective character trait you could ever have. Anybody can do a lot of
stuff, but unless you’re willing to move out of the box and take on something
completely foreign to you (and sometimes to everyone else) you aren’t going to
make change happen. It’s like all those great quotes I’ve gathered over the
years…be the change you want to see in the world…. you must do the thing you
think you cannot do. That stuff takes courage.
You’ll get talked about and you’ll get discouraged. And I
wouldn’t suggest agitating anyone unless you are completely comfortable and
prepared for what that means.
And I wouldn’t suggest a move of any kind in any
direction in any part of your life unless you are okay with who you are. You
gotta know yourself and you have to be okay with yourself before you really
move forward in any direction. The beauty of this is that once you know
yourself and you are okay with who you are, you have no boundaries. You can
literally do anything because you know you can. The only one who limits you is
you.
Now, if I could only apply that whole risk-taking mantra
to myself it might really make a difference in my life.
I was turned upside down when I lost my most recent job.
Mostly because it meant I wasn’t contributing to my family’s livelihood. I have
spent almost twenty years bringing home the biggest paycheck. And after all,
isn’t that the most important thing for my family?
This is all a roundabout way of saying that I feel like a
loser, with a big ol’ L on my forehead. I am definitely out of my comfort zone.
The fear of the unknown is weighing heavy on me now. I
have a lack of confidence in my employment area that I’ve never known before and yet I’m at a place
in my life where I feel better about everything else. I had no confidence at age 20,
conversely at age 50 I just began to recognize all my awesome goodness.
I guess what I want to say is that your awesome goodness
is always there; you just don’t know it.I could feel like crap because I’m in this crazy career
limbo or I could keep thinking that the right thing will happen when it’s
supposed to happen. And because I’m old, I have a lot of faith in the fact that
whatever I’m supposed to do, it will present itself to me one way or another.
And it won’t be the way I’m expecting and it won’t happen on my timeline. It
will just happen. And I know it will. It always does.
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