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The Lottery

   I bought some lottery tickets today. They were $2 tickets so we all know I didn’t become a millionaire. I know. I’m 52 years old and haven’t changed a diaper in 18 years but I still get a kick out of a six pack and a fistful of scratchers.
    If I had a nickel for every time I daydreamed about winning the lottery I would have been a millionaire years ago. I get to thinking about how I’d hire a cleaning lady to scrub the dried toothpaste out of the sink every Thursday. I’d probably make some coffee for her or offer her some iced tea. I’d be quite pleasant to her. I wouldn’t want her to clean while I’m not here of course. She might take off with my collection of stretched-out underwear I got from my sister 10 years ago, 3 years after she wore them.
   I’d love to have a cleaning lady. And after I hire her, I’m spending some money on liposuction and some new leggings to go with my big tops. I may look around for an electrolysis provider.
   Some people immediately go out and buy a new house when they win the lottery. I live on Martha’s Vineyard so that would probably wipe out my bank account. It might be more fun to rent a two bedroom with a balcony and use my money to get extra cheese on nachos every time I order them. Or I could buy paper towels by the case or that really nice-smelling soap they sell at Bed, Bath & Beyond - the one that smells like a bushel of apples.
   I would probably look for some type of family compound I could buy so that I could reign over my children. I like to tell them how to wear their hair and what kind of shoes to buy so I can only imagine how happy I’d be when I put their curtains up and pick out their bedspreads.
   I would definitely beef up my Amazon profile. I’d buy all sorts of soaps made of beeswax and I’d only wear socks made from flax and use shampoos made from steaming the needles and twigs of evergreen cypress. This is the stuff dreams are made of.
   I probably wouldn’t do much more than all that though, because I’m a little lacking in the imagination department. I don’t get much beyond dissolving belly fat and a good exfoliate when it comes to self-care. I might get some really nice quality fish oil gel caps or a good dandruff shampoo.
   So when I reread this I see that my tastes veer toward the simple and now I think I might want to rethink this whole lottery thing. I could probably do all this stuff if I just stopped buying lottery tickets and six packs.
   Hey, you never know.
After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box.
- Italian Proverb


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