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Life of the Party

   So I picked out my funeral music years ago. It features Steppenwolf in the forefront. I'm pretty sure I can think of some Syracuse priests who would bend a couple of rules and blast some Magic Carpet Ride for me. Believe me, they've done worse. That's why I love them. Anywho, I do spend more than a little time thinking about how I'd like my "after party" to play out. I'm nothing if not morbid. These things are important to me.
   First of all, I want a kegger. Absofuckinglutely. And I want there to be all manner of food just like I like it. Huge portions, bottomless red plastic cups. You get the picture. The music is key and must include Steppenwolf, a fantastic Motown medley, Mony Mony, maybe a Monkees song, a little Led Zeppelin and definitely some Levon Helm. And if there's time left and people are feeling sappy, a couple of Van Morrison songs. I'm thinking as I write this that I want to go to this party. Jeez.
   And you know I'll be there. I'll be that heavy-set orb floating around the dance floor and hovering over the lasagna. It has been brought to my attention by at least one person that I happen to dance like Elaine in the Seinfeld show. Whatever. Don't judge.
   Obits are such a big deal at my paper that I know some of the staff have already written theirs. No…I say for once, I'll let somebody else do the writing. By the time I go, I bet I'll want nothing more than to put these crooked fingers to rest. Besides, after constantly interrupting everyone and talking more than anyone I know, I figure I'll let somebody else have a chance.
   Thankfully, I want to be cremated so I don't have to worry about an outfit. I can barely pull one together for the living so I can't imagine my last one. When they throw me in the furnace though, I'd like to be devoid of jewelry and be wearing some comfortable pajama pants. They probably catch quick.
   I know some people feel uncomfortable talking about all this but it doesn't really bother me. When my grandmother died we had a nice party at the VFW and I think she had the right idea. We hadn't been all together in years and it was fun. And, I'm pretty sure they found a bottle of Jack Daniels in her closet when they cleaned out her bedroom and she was in her 80s. That's what you call "good genes."
   The party is the most important part though. I want dancing and all sorts of merriment and I'm thinking I"ll probably be the last one there. Some things never change.

A wild party where beer is served (usually in disposable plastic cups) from a keg. Keggers are usually associated with high school and college students, but anybody can throw one if they've got a lot of friends and at least one keg of beer.

And for your listening pleasure, my suggestion is:


Deb said…
That sounds like a kick ass party, but I sure hope it doesn't happen anytime soon.
Deb said…
That sounds like a kick ass party, but I sure hope it doesn't happen anytime soon.
Connie Berry said…
i always did think you were sweet.

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