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Frank and Me

  Lord have mercy. It's Friday night — which means Guinness night in this house — so I try the ol' Pandora on the television again. Sometimes this works out for me and sometimes it doesn't. It's hard to try the Smart TV with a couple of old people in the house.
    Anyway, I turn it on for a little backdrop for my chili cooking on a cold night and I decide to use the quickmix button.
   I'm thinking Frank Sinatra and Luck Be a Lady is nice. Then it's followed by Jackie Wilson. Then Jackie's followed by Hank Williams. Then Hank is followed by Dean Martin. Then Dean's followed by the Supremes and I Hear a Symphony. This causes me to stop and think for a minute: Am I maybe just a little bit less hip than I thought I was? Well, that answer was obvious.
   And then I get a little indignant. I think maybe Mr. Quickmix is a real person and I should have a chat with him. Tell him that I like the Red Hot Chili Peppers and that new Mumford and Sons group. I'll tell him I use curry powder on everything and that I secretly click on stories about Ashton and Mila as much as I do NPR.
   This all sounded like a great idea and then Johnny Mercer came on singing Baby, It's Cold Outside. Clearly there's something wrong with this new-fangled Smart TV.
   It's right up there with my weekly conversations with Verizon. They're all . . . "But you owe us 400 dollars because in September of 2010 you were three days late with your payment and your corporate discount is null and void because you didn't renew it and your family plan went up because one of the lines added internet access and you neglected to give us your first born child and your only diamond."
   And I'm all…."But my bill was 115 dollars last month and you told me I would get a discount because I've been such a loyal customer…" And they were like…"Call us at 3:52 p.m. on Dec. 22 and we'll see what we can do."
    Wait, Under My Thumb just came on after Bobby Darin. Maybe there's hope for me yet.

"Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels." — Frank Sinatra



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