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Got Milk?

This may be uncomfortable for some, but when did breastfeeding become so ridiculously in vogue?
         You’re going to take something women have been doing since Eve and make it some kind of crazy badge of honor? Put pictures of it all over the Internet and chastise the crazy people who are offended by it? Has it really come to this? This is what we’ve come up with?
         There’s the pumping and the lawsuits and the magazine covers and the celebrities. What happens to those women who just can’t for whatever reason nurse their babies? Are they now supposed to feel less mommyish or just less in general? Seriously, we’ve come to the point where we just make up shit to judge people by.
         That’s where we are.
         I’m not big on the judging. Oh I’ve done my share, believe me. But the older I get the more I feel strongly that almost everything is none of my damn business. And if I actually tried to assert an opinion, there are so many topics to choose from that I think I’d be at a loss as to where to begin.
         We’re going to take a societal magnifying glass and look at women’s belly fat and their breastfeeding skills. That’s great. That says a lot about who we are. And it pretty much leaves me in the dust. I score pretty low on the belly fat issue but I was a great breastfeeder. That must mean I’m at least a half-ass woman.
         Seriously, what if women are reading this garbage and taking it to heart? How could they not? About 400 percent of people in general look at social media every day, and even if they pretend not to be upset by the posts, I guarantee you they still look. I do.
         I click on those garcinia cambogia ads all the time. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m clicking on them. They’re willing to tell me how Jessica Simpson lost all her weight and then they show photos of Kirstie Alley, who is much closer to my age by the way, and tell me she’s lost another 50 pounds. Thankfully she’s lost and gained back the same 50 pounds for the past 12 years. She and I have a lot in common.
         I don’t know. Sometimes I just get very wary of the whole computer thing. I know I check my email about 12 times a day and I’m sort of ashamed of it. Just feels wrong. What if instead I made it a point to talk to my kids or my best friend 12 times a day?
         I’ll tell you what would happen. Everyone would think I was a crazy smothering bitch. And yet it’s okay to keep checking the Internet. I tell you it doesn’t make sense.
         Using a computer and looking at all the sites at least a dozen times every 24 hours leaves me feeling like a voyeur of sorts. If I spoke to my kids as often I’d probably feel pretty darn good.
         Now that I have time on my hands it’s only become worse.
         Maybe I should use the Internet to find a job, or at the very least to sign up for unemployment. What did people do in 1980 anyway?
        



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