Skip to main content

Place Matters

            Seriously, I just realized earlier today that I wrote an entire blog talking about how I’m 53. I’m 54. How do you spell denial?
            Personally, I love aging. I was never a hot chick in a bikini anyway so I don’t really know what it’s like to feel devastated now that my breasts touch my belly button. They were halfway there when I was nine.
            Maybe I just forgot that I’m 54. God knows I forget a whole lot of other stuff. This all comes to the forefront because I’ve recently watched that Still Alice movie. I’ve always liked Julienne Moore because she’s not your usual cleavage actress. But in Still Alice she really gets to me. She’s got the familial Alzheimer’s and it ain’t pretty. God love her for playing that part and at least bringing a discussion to the table.
            The older I get the more I realize that courage is the most effective character trait you could ever have. Anybody can do a lot of stuff, but unless you’re willing to move out of the box and take on something completely foreign to you (and sometimes to everyone else) you aren’t going to make change happen. It’s like all those great quotes I’ve gathered over the years…be the change you want to see in the world…. you must do the thing you think you cannot do. That stuff takes courage.
            You’ll get talked about and you’ll get discouraged. And I wouldn’t suggest agitating anyone unless you are completely comfortable and prepared for what that means.
            And I wouldn’t suggest a move of any kind in any direction in any part of your life unless you are okay with who you are. You gotta know yourself and you have to be okay with yourself before you really move forward in any direction. The beauty of this is that once you know yourself and you are okay with who you are, you have no boundaries. You can literally do anything because you know you can. The only one who limits you is you.
            Now, if I could only apply that whole risk-taking mantra to myself it might really make a difference in my life.
            I was turned upside down when I lost my most recent job. Mostly because it meant I wasn’t contributing to my family’s livelihood. I have spent almost twenty years bringing home the biggest paycheck. And after all, isn’t that the most important thing for my family?
            This is all a roundabout way of saying that I feel like a loser, with a big ol’ L on my forehead. I am definitely out of my comfort zone.
            The fear of the unknown is weighing heavy on me now. I have a lack of confidence in my employment area that I’ve never known before and yet I’m at a place in my life where I feel better about everything else. I had no confidence at age 20, conversely at age 50 I just began to recognize all my awesome goodness.
            I guess what I want to say is that your awesome goodness is always there; you just don’t know it.I could feel like crap because I’m in this crazy career limbo or I could keep thinking that the right thing will happen when it’s supposed to happen. And because I’m old, I have a lot of faith in the fact that whatever I’m supposed to do, it will present itself to me one way or another. And it won’t be the way I’m expecting and it won’t happen on my timeline. It will just happen. And I know it will. It always does. 
           


Comments

Nicole Feeney said…
Great post! Sounds familiar! Nicole from FLS

Popular posts from this blog

I might need a price check

So my husband Chris works three days a week in America, and I’m trying not to take this personally.
He’s commuting Monday mornings on the 6:30 ferry over to Cape Cod, where he works at an upholstery shop in Hyannis, the Mattydale of Cape Cod, for all you Syracuse readers. I stay here and hold down the fort, cooking up a cocktail of frozen pizzas and mac n’ cheese weeknights for my poor Danny. Chris comes back late Thursday night, all giddy over toilet paper prices and quotes on cheaper rent.
No, no, no, and more no I say. I can’t possibly leave all this off-season quiet and high-priced laundry detergent. There’s no convincing me to leave no matter how many times Chris points out that there’s a Trader Joe’s “over there.”
I want to stay here until I miraculously win on one of those $5 scratchers and can buy my own house here. The difference being that I feel confident that I will someday scratch my way to freedom while Chris thinks we’d be smarter to look into a nice rental “over there.…

Library lady

So today a co-worker who is — let’s just be honest here — 70 years old, gave me a serious run for my money at the library. Some guy was looking for a specific movie, which just happened to be located on the very bottom shelf, and I did one of those pretend searches for it on the middle shelf. She walks over and squats down like she’s going to give birth in some Third World country and finds it in two seconds. Again, here we are. Now I’m at home tearing open the cardboard box of a frozen pizza and she’s obviously at home on a rubber mat touching her big toe to her nose.      I regularly call the doctor to renew my prescription for muscle relaxers, while it seems like the rest of the women on this ridiculously fit island drink hot tea and take a warm bath for their yoga-stressed muscles. Thank God my teeth are relatively good.
     It’s not easy to work with women your age and older who think nothing of drinking spinach shakes and lugging all kinds of crap around. If I tried half the…

Getting well takes baby steps

So I’ve had what you could call a case of the pneumonia. It was not pleasant. And to top it off it happened in San Antonio, Texas. Like I wasn’t sweating before the fever.
I was there to see my niece Michelle, who by the way kept asking me, “Are you going to write about this?” which is funny because she’s a writer too. I naturally said, “Oh no, of course not.” And here we are.
Thinking back, the best part of that trip teeters between meeting my two great-nephews, Oliver and Isaac, and having a couple of beers with their Yaya, my sister, who I haven’t had beers with in decades. Like I said, it’s a toss-up. There’s also the fact that I got to spend time with my niece’s husband Alex. He’s a hardcore military guy. He teaches other military guys how to be military policemen. I’m not going to gamble on writing anything about him. He’s from Wisconsin though, which I like. And he likes to cook, which I also like.
I thought to myself before I ever left my nice cocoon of Martha’s Vineyard to tra…